this:
this is what i said, and he had a valid reason to feel slighted. soon these moments won’t be easy to spare.
i took a nap in the middle of the day because i couldn’t shake a feeling. no matter how hard i tried to will myself into a different state, i couldn’t draw the energy; i didn’t know where to draw the energy from, i was just not convincing enough. i decided to sleep. i knew that in those hours of sleep i wouldn’t be feeling the feeling i was feeling—it would be at bay, relegated to the state of wakefulness that i had escaped from. i knew suspension would offer me something else; a substitution of feelings, a change in spirits. in sleep i could be safely relieved from that which overpowered me.
i slept.
(when dreams are nightmares, there is an opening for perspective. sometimes wonderful intensities live on and spill over to wakefulness. other times there are no dreams at all, but time spent pausing is a reward in itself.)
i woke up, the feeling somewhat tamed. the sun had already set, but i made myself coffee. i had a second breakfast. i fed the cat, and i stepped outside.
these:
the dissolution of boundaries.
the weight too heavy for a frail finger to hold.
the burning smell of a wooden door.
the vines climbing up the walls.
the children whispering underwater.